Life's little wisdoms...

Well, it's been a while since my last post.
In that time I've gained some insights in several fields of life.
Some of those wisdoms I feel I should share, since, well, they're mine, and this is about my wisdoms.
So, here goes...

1. Farting is cool.
Especially when you fart on someone else.
But occasionally, something goes wrong, and you won't realize that chunks are coming along with the gas, until it's too late.
In such cases, use this wisdom:
- Act like you intended it that way.
Sure, it may not look good to crap when you intend to fart, but hey, put on a good show and at least it will look cool.
- Act like you couldn't help it because you weren't fully there.
Seriously, who could blame you if they thought you were high on crack, pcp, drunk from booze AND under medication?
Just remember to say completely random and insane stuff at times, to pull this one off.
- If you intended to fart on someone, and the chunkage happened:
Look over your shoulder at your intended victim, grin sheepishly, and ask if he's ready for the BIG one, next...
Also, prepare to run like someone's about to take your backdoor virginity...

2. You get born, you live a sucky life, and then you die, unless you're me.
The grim reaper doesn't have the balls to come after me.
But when you die, it all just starts over.
Reincarnation.
Nothing you can do about it.
So, you get born, you live a sucky life, you die, death sucks, and then you get born again.
At some point you'll get reincarnated as a guy who has to suck other guys' cocks - not because you're into cock, far from it, but because you need the money for a loaf of bread, some bland stuff to put on that bread, and maybe a cup of coffee.
Ain't that a bitch...
So, in short, let me sum it up like this:
Life sucks, death sucks, and at some point you're a dude who sucks cock for a living.

3. Emo-kiddies suck.
Seriously, emo-homo's, you need to face the reality that the universe doesn't revolve around your failure to properly slit your wrists.
Grow a pair of balls and go jump off a high building, or out of an airplane.
Don't post another blog-post about how you failed to commit suicide and how that hurt your feelings.
If you must post something, let it be about how you finally succeeded at committing suicide.
Now there's a blog I'd look forward to reading... you buncha whiny-ass crybabies.

4. Mel Brooks is God.
Mike Judge is God.
Lemmy is God.
That punk-ass shitface who you think wrote the original bible is just a cheap knock-off.

5. TV sucks.
Radio also sucks.
The internet is the last battleground between stuff that doesn't suck, and stuff that sucks.
I am all man, after radio and TV went, I need stuff that doesn't suck.
So, for fuck's sake, you corporate and governmental whore-monkeys, keep your filthy hands off the internet.
I need, crave, and requiure stuff for free.
If that means Metallica has to sell one of their gold-plated toiletpaper dispensers, then so be it.
Fuck 'em, there's days where toiletpaper is all I eat, because between taxes, rent, more taxes, the cost of living and more taxes, I'm pretty much ass-raped the day my monthly money comes in.
So, FUCK Metallica and all those candy-ass pretty-boys who suck the industry cock like it was a bottle of champaign.
The only time I get to see champaign is if I ever decide to sell my ass in some fancy club.
Yeah, that's likely to happen... I think right after I gnaw off my nuts and suck cock.
Let me re-itterate... GET YOUR FILTHY HANDS OFF MY FREE MIDGET HERMAPHRODITE TEABAGGING SITES!!!

There, those are my wisdoms.
If you find you can agree with them, good, may they serve you well.
If not, well, fuck you...